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Tag Archives: Parental Guidance

Elder Wisdom: What A Tale Their Thoughts Could Tell

Amara Rose October 8, 2013 1

Gordon Lightfoot (whose signature lyrics from If You Could Read My Mind are reflected in the post title) turns 75 this November, and Bob Dylan has said that when he listens to a Lightfoot song, he “wishes it would never end.” That’s pretty high praise from a fellow septuagenarian maestro. Perhaps this is because seasoned songwriters instinctively weave life’s essence and lessons into a succinct truth that resonates to the marrow with those who listen, and thus appereverse mortgage newsals across the decades to both original fans as they age, and to a new audience.

The same might be said of elders. There’s so much wisdom to be gleaned from older team members. Consider this recent ad on CraigsList.com, headlined, “Looking for a 72-year-old writer”:

“I’m looking for a few good writers between the ages of 70 and 74. Seeking contributions from geographical locations all over the United States from persons who were in high school during 1959. For details about my project please go to http://www.classof59.net. It is okay if someone younger writes a contribution that was obtained orally from a member of the high school class of 1959.”

What a lovely tribute to what has been labeled, “The Silent Generation.”

“It is not how old you are, but how you are old,” said Academy Award-winning actress Marie Dressler. We’re moving from a model that focuses on disease, disability and death to one of “passion, purpose, and participation,” which happens to be the tagline of COPA (Collaborative on Positive Aging), a new volunteer division of the Council on Aging in one California community.

At the initial COPA gathering, much of the guiding wisdom for how future meetings might be organized was provided by people in their 70s and 80s, such as: “To remain vital, we need a mix of social/learning/leisure/contribution.” How perfect a reminder to anyone who serves seniors — reverse mortgage professionals obviously included — that as people age they become not a group apart, but more of who they’ve been, with a blend of needs and desires to enrich and fulfill these later years.

Consider the Sun City Poms, Arizona cheerleaders whose minimum age requirement is 55, along with the requisite “dance skills of rhythm, agility, poise, energy, and showmanship for performing. Acrobatics and baton twirling are a plus.” Wow! These women are weaving their social, leisure, learning and contributing into a bountiful blessing for everyone.

In his brilliant essay on conscious aging, Rabon Delmore Saip, a presenter at the COPA meeting, quotes developmental psychologist Paul Baltes: “One of the great challenges of the 21st century will be to complete the architecture of the human life course.”

The seniors reverse mortgage professionals serve today are playing a vital role in constructing the future of humanity, as they (and we) reinvent what it means, and what it “looks like”, to be “old”.

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How to talk to your aging parents about money

Take care your concern doesn’t come across as if you think your parents’ intelligence is diminished.

Are bills piling up on Mom’s kitchen table?
Are you worried Dad might fall prey to a scam?

Time to discuss if they need help with their finances. Proceed carefully because they may not see things as you do: A 2012 Fidelity study found that while 24% of adult children think their parents will need a hand with money, 97% of the parents do not.

“Conversations about money with your elderly parents are really about control — something they don’t want to lose,” says David Solie, author of How to Say It to Seniors. Try these tips.

THE GROUND RULES

Drop the attitude. An I-know-better air will put their backs up. Take care your concern doesn’t come across as if you think their intelligence is diminished, says Solie.

Avoid saying “you should…” Those two little words are sure to put them on the defensive.

Bring in a third party. To your mom and dad, you will always be a kid — which is why the talk may go better if you deliver it alongside an outside expert, says Paula Span, author of When the Time Comes.

WHEN YOU’RE FACE TO FACE...

1. Opening gambit. “Mom, I just read an article with great tips about how to simplify managing your money as you get older. Can I share a few of them?”

The strategy: “Bring yourself into the equation as a helper, not an overseer,” Span says. Framing the advice as someone else’s ideas may make your parents more open to accepting them.

2. Dangle a carrot. “I think we can save you some money on your cable bill, Dad. How about we take a look?”

The strategy: Suggest a small, concrete action with a clear payoff to start. An Allianz survey reveals that 61% of older Americans worry about outliving their money, so helping your parents cut costs is a good first move.

Seeing how beneficial your suggestions can be is likely to make them more receptive to other, more serious forms of help.

3. Keep your warnings indirect. “I know you’re too smart for this, but I want to tell you about this scam I heard about so you can warn your friends.”

The strategy: Being straightforward — “Mom, Dad, you need to watch out for people who ask for your bank account online” — may feel patronizing to your parents. Instead, plant a seed that doesn’t reflect on their competence to manage their affairs, says Colorado elder-law attorney Catherine Seal.

4. Ask if you can tag along. “My friend’s dad keeps getting invited to free-lunch retirement seminars. Do you? I’d love to go if you go.”

The strategy: Instead of trying to put the kibosh on a move you know is not smart, stand beside them during the sales pitch, suggests Kim Linder, a caregiver consultant. Then ask tough questions that will push your parents to think before they leap.

5. Use metaphors. “You wouldn’t buy a used car without a mechanic checking under the hood. Same goes for your investments. Let’s have a financial adviser look into this.”

The strategy: “In the second half of life, the right brain becomes the gatekeeper for information,” says Solie. “We respond better to stories and metaphors — the stuff that gives meaning to facts and linear data.” To top of page

 
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Posted by on April 1, 2013 in Seniors

 

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